


I'll be by your side

by Saysi



Series: For of all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you. [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Domestic, Established Relationship, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, The boys are getting a little bolder though, Travel, Vacation, a hint of angst, post-TV show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-05-28 17:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15054638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saysi/pseuds/Saysi
Summary: Gon is starting to get homesick, so it's time to return to the real world and face the music - telling Mito he hasn't done his homework.Can a simple trip to Whale Island really go off without a hitch?A sequel to [I'll never let you go] although it can be read as a standalone unit if you are so inclined :)





	1. Awake x at x Daybreak

Gon rubbed at his eyes as he sat up in bed, turning his head toward the doorway and waiting. The front door had opened and closed pretty quietly, and he didn't hear a single footstep – plus the bed next to him was empty. Killua had obviously decided to go out early to look for work again, and had just gotten back. 

Gon hated to admit how much he hated waking up alone.

“Killua?” he whined, “where did you go?”

“Sorry,” he poked his head through the door with an apologetic smile. “One moment.”

He disappeared again for a few seconds, but when he returned he held a huge bouquet of brightly coloured flowers. There were all kinds, every colour of the rainbow, piled so high in Killua's arms that they started to cover part of his face. Gon had no idea what to say, staring at him in a confused silence instead, and Killua grinned as he laid them on the table beside Gon's bed.

“I was thinking about what you said last night, about being away from the island for so long.”

“Yeah?”

“You said you missed the plants and the flowers, so I thought maybe this would help.”

“Killua you are seriously the cutest guy in the world.”

Killua burned red at the words, turning away far too late to hide it, and Gon scooped the flowers into his grasp with a smile. They smelled like home, like the places he'd spent his childhood, and he hummed appreciatively as he buried his face in the pile. 

“You're the best, Killua. You're my favourite person in the whole world.”

“I didn't do much.”

“You did a lot. Come back to bed now?”

“So demanding,” Killua teased, climbing up beside him with his cheeks still flushed pink. “Okay, I'm here, what do you want me to do to you?”

The pair fell silent for a moment, staring at each other with wide eyes, Gon's face just as red as Killua's all of a sudden.

“I just wanted to cuddle,” Gon blurted out finally, “I just-”

“That's not- I didn't mean- Yes. Cuddling. That's what I was... Ugh.”

Killua curled up a little, retreating into himself, and Gon finally set his flowers aside in favour of rolling over to rest his head on Killua's chest. He could hear the heart beneath his cheek going wild, and he knew his own heart was pounding just as fast, but he also knew if he backed away Killua might never come so close again.

It had been a slip of the tongue, a comment that came out wrong, and that was all. All Gon wanted, all Gon needed. 

Why did they both have to be so damn awkward?

///

“I got something else while I was out.”

They'd been cuddled up together for a few hours, only exchanging a few words every so often, mostly just relishing each other's company. Gon half-suspected Killua had fallen asleep, and wasn't willing to disturb him, but apparently he'd been wrong.

“Yeah?” Gon murmured into Killua's neck. “What did you get?”

“Boat tickets.”

“Yeah?”

“To go visit Mito-san.”

“Really?”

“Mm. You said you wanted to. I figured since we found our chocolate shop yesterday, it was time to look into it.”

“You're the best,” Gon sighed, tickling the pale skin with his breath. 

They had spent almost a week visiting every cafe and sweet shop in the city, trying to find the best one. Killua and Alluka had a list of the best store in every city they'd been to, and Gon was determined to find one with them in a city they'd never seen before. He wanted to be a part of their lives, a part of the little game they played to keep their minds off their constant state of running away. 

Gon always tried to deny that was what it was. They weren't running, he insisted, they were travelling and being safe. Killua wouldn't try to deny the truth, though. He wasn't strong enough to protect Alluka outright, all he could do was keep moving with her and try to keep her happy in the process.

It worked. They lived happy lives – even more so since Gon had joined them again – but still the thought lingered in the back of his mind. Running.

Gon reached up to shove fluffy white hair out of his way, smiling when Killua returned stubbornly to kiss the top of his head. 

“It'll be fun,” Killua promised. “Alluka will love the island, and Mito-san will be glad to see you, to see that you're safe still.”

“She'll try to make me stay.”

“She won't.”

“How do you know?”

“Because she would never let you leave me and Alluka.”

Gon paused, then smiled as he nodded.

“Yeah, you're probably right,” he agreed.

“We should get her chocolates before we go, too. Hopefully they won't melt.”

“You'll eat them before we get there.”

“Don't be silly, I'll buy plenty for me too,” Killua grinned. “Sound like a plan?”

“Yeah,” Gon grinned, raising his head briefly to see Killua's smile. “Sounds like a great plan.”

///

Gon dropped onto the bed lightly, wiggling in close to Killua with his collection of treats. The tray he set down between them held a bowl of cherries, grapes and strawberries, plus a handful of marshmallows, a can of whipped cream and a bottle of chocolate sauce on the side.

Killua eyed him warily, strangely concerned by the snacks, and Gon just smiled as he squirted out chocolate and coated a strawberry in it.

“Want some?” he asked, waving the fruit in front of Killua teasingly. “It's good.”

Killua started to reach for it and Gon snapped his hand back in a heartbeat, jamming the fruit into his mouth and making a mess of chocolate on his face.

“Get your own,” Gon poked his tongue out. “Mine.”

Killua snatched one of the marshmallows and shoved it in his mouth, giving Gon a triumphant look. 

“No fair, no nen speed”

“It wasn't,” Killua smirked, “you've just gotten slow.”

“Meanie.” 

Gon pouted and Killua's smirk widened, taking a grape to stuff in his mouth and aiming one skillfully between Gon's lips when he started to complain again. Gon was surprised, his eyes widening, but after a moment he conceded a smile. He reached for a strawberry only to find it snatched from his fingertips, pouting again as he watched Killua lick juice from his lips.

“Here.” Killua dangled another berry in front of him and Gon leaned in to take it, only to find it torn from his reach again. “Too slow.”

The pair went back and forth, fighting over fruit dipped in chocolate or cream, and after a minute Killua cracked a little smile.

“I thought you were expecting something else, when you brought them in.”

“Like what? Food fights?”

“No, not food fights.”

“Then what?”

“Are you messing with me?”

Gon shook his head, his eyes wide, and Killua only stared at him for a moment in disbelief.

“Really?”

“What?”

He picked up a cherry and pushed it slowly through Gon's lips, watching a pink flush spread across his cheeks when his fingers lingered for a moment, wiping away spilled chocolate.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, do you want...?”

He trailed off and Killua didn't answer, the pair sitting in a stupidly awkward silence again.

“Hey, listen,” Gon began gently, reaching out to touch Killua's cheek. “Maybe we should talk about some stuff.”

“Or we could just not.”

Gon slung a leg across him before he could make his escape, pinning him in place, and leaned in to kiss him with chocolatey lips. 

“Killua, we don't have to do stuff if you don't want to, okay? Even kissing. If you're not feeling it, I won't do it. You just have to say so, I won't be upset.”

“I like kissing you,” Killua mumbled. “I want... I want to kiss you. Always.”

“Okay,” Gon beamed, his eyes lighting up as he leaned in for another. “I like kissing you too. But there's obviously other stuff on your mind, right? More than kissing.”

“I mean... Sometimes I think about it, sure.”

“And if you want to, we can talk about it. Just say so, okay? But if you don't want to, we don't have to. Not any time soon, for sure. Not ever, if you don't want to. I don't mind, as long as you're happy. That's all that matters, okay?”

“You're sure?”

“Of course I am. I told you before that I was going to let you initiate stuff, and I stand by it.”

“I'll never initiate stuff, I'm too...”

“Talking counts too,” Gon smiled, nuzzling into Killua's neck and kissing his pale skin. “Even if you just say you want to talk about it, that counts.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

Killua reached over for a grape, poking it lightly into Gon's mouth and blushing again when Gon's lips and tongue quickly cleaned the chocolate off his fingers.

“Mmm,” Gon hummed. “Tasty.”

“Don't make that noise,” Killua choked out. “That's not fair.”

Gon smirked and popped a strawberry between his lips, leaning in to feed it to Killua. Despite his blushing Killua played along, spilling strawberry juice down their lips and chins.

“Is this more what you had in mind?” Gon teased, as he licked a drop of juice from the corner of Killua's mouth. “Were you daydreaming or something?”

“Something like that,” he answered evasively, reaching for a marshmallow and throwing it down despite Gon's pout. “I like this.”

“But it's not what made you all embarrassed?”

“Not exactly.”

“Enlighten me, then.”

Gon could never be sure if the reason Killua blushed so much was because of his personality, or just a byproduct of how pale his skin was, but no matter how many times he saw it happen, it still gave him a rush of butterflies in his stomach.

“You're not going to tell me?”

“I... I just... I can't... Words.”

“That's okay.”

He hesitated for a moment, and his hands shook, but still he reached for Gon's shirt, peeling it over his head and casting it aside. Gon lightened up on him as he moved, amused when Killua slowly adjusted their positions until Gon found himself leaning back against the pillows.

“I like chocolate,” Killua mumbled more to himself than to Gon, as he picked up the sauce bottle.

“I know, that's why I always get you choc-”

He punctuated his sentence with a little gasp as Killua drizzled chocolate down his stomach, clenching his abs a little tighter as Killua's fingers grazed over them.

“You do, huh?” he asked breathlessly.

“Yeah.”

Killua licked a long, slow stripe in the sauce and all Gon could do was watch, his breath catching in his throat.

“And I like _you_ ” Killua added quietly, before he licked another patch of chocolate off. “So this is... The best of both worlds, right?”

Gon snatched his hand to suck the chocolate off his fingers, keeping eye contact the entire time, surprised to see that Killua didn't squirm or blush in return, only breathed a little harder.

“I'm not ready to...” he glanced down pointedly, at Gon's slightly confining shorts. “But this... This is good.”

“Okay,” Gon grinned, leaning in to kiss him again. “I like this, I'm happy with this.”

“Okay.”

He licked the last chocolate stain from Gon's abs and sat up again, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. Gon's eyes were still locked on his, but for once he didn't immediately look away.

“My turn,” Gon grinned, flipping Killua onto his back in a hurry. “You can't have all the fun.”

“I- But-”

“Shhh.”

He tore Killua's shirt off with far more enthusiasm than Killua had seen before, shaking the can of whipped cream in one hand as the other held Killua lightly against the sheets. Two little spurts came out of the nozzle, one over each of Killua's nipples, and he squirmed with the cold.

“My turn,” Gon smirked, leaning in toward Killua's gaze and trailing kisses down his chest. “You're a bad influence.”

Killua tried to respond but all that came from his mouth was a moan as Gon sucked the cream from his nipple, and he felt Gon smirk again as his cheeks flooded red.

“Don't tease me,” Killua whined, and Gon gripped a little tighter at his hips. “Just... Just...”

“Keep going?”

“Yeah.”

Gon did his best to wipe the smirk off his face, then leaned in to clean off the other nipple, feeling Killua squirm beneath him. With a last little suck and a graze of his teeth he sat up again, immediately finding Killua's lips against his own, kissing him hard and clutching at him like the world was about to end.

“Gon,” Killua said breathlessly. “You're...”

“I'm?” Gon prompted with another little smirk. “What am I?”

“Perfect.”

///


	2. Sick in Bed x and x Words Unsaid

Killua stroked lightly at Alluka's hair as she lay back against a pillow, trying his best to smile as she looked up at him pitifully.

“Sorry,” he said softly, “I didn't know it'd be this bad”

“It's okay, Onii-san. I didn't know either.”

She closed her eyes, trying to relax, and Killua smiled properly this time as his fingers grazed over her cheek. 

“We'll stay a while on the island, you'll have plenty of time to recover. I'll see if I can figure something out for the way back. Maybe I can Godspeed over the water or something, I've never tried it.”

“I'll be okay, you don't have to worry. I'll get used to it.”

“We'll figure something out to make it better, I promise.”

Killua heard familiar footsteps rushing down the hall and looked back just in time to see the door open. The voice was already going at a mile a minute, but stopped in a hurry when he saw Alluka on the bed, staring in his confusion.

“What's wrong?”

“Alluka is seasick.”

“Oh, no, I'm so sorry!” Gon dropped to his knees beside her, lacing his fingers through hers. “We're almost there Alluka, I promise, it won't be much longer.”

“I'll be okay.”

“Yeah, I know. You're tough, you can handle anything. I'll be back in just a minute, okay?”

He took off again at a run and Killua stared after him for a moment, unsure what to say until Alluka cracked a little smile.

“He never stops moving, does he?” he chuckled.

“He's very sweet.”

“Yeah, he is.”

True to his word, in just a couple of minutes Gon was back again, his footsteps heavy in the narrow hallway. From the pocket of his hoodie – Killua's hoodie, if they were being pedantic – he produced a little glass bottle, and Killua helped Alluka to sit up a little.

“Drink this. Just little sips. It should help.”

She took it obediently and twisted the cap off, taking a sip and pausing for a moment.

“I know it tastes weird,” Gon grinned, “you get used to it.”

“It's not bad-weird,” she agreed, “just different-weird.”

“Like your brother.”

Killua swiped at him, Gon just barely ducking out of the way in time, and Alluka laughed at them, clapping a hand over her mouth to keep from spitting the drink back up.

“Thank you, Gon. For wanting to help and everything.”

“Of course I want to help! We're friends, aren't we? How could I not want to help?”

He produced two more bottles from his pocket and reached across Killua to set them on the table, following it with a little sack of something that Killua couldn't quite identify the smell of.

“Peppermints,” Gon clarified, when Killua looked at him. “Suck on one when you're done drinking, it should help a little too.”

“I will. Thank you.”

///

Gon threw his arms around Mito the moment the door opened, clinging to her tightly, a huge grin over-running his face. She was surprised at first, frozen in place, but when everything began to sink in, she smiled. Her eyes softened, her hands found Gon's back, and she just smiled to herself as she held him close.

“I missed you, Mito-san!” Gon declared, as he pulled back with a grin. “Sorry it took so long for me to get back.”

“I'm glad to see you. Have you been keeping up with school?”

“Ahhh... About that...” he laughed nervously, watching Mito's face harden. “I mean, I did some, but maybe not as much as you hoped? I'm doing it though, I swear! But it's hard sometimes when we're so busy doing other stuff.”

He waved toward the pair waiting patiently behind him, and for a moment Mito fell silent again.

“Killua?” she asked finally, “is that you?”

“Yeah,” he smiled awkwardly. “Long time no see, Mito-san. How are you?”

“Wow, Killua! Look at you!”

He felt his cheeks start to burn as Mito gaped at him, unable to quite meet her eyes.

“When did you get so tall?” she demanded, “has it been that long?”

“It's been a while, yeah.”

“You're such a handsome young man, it's no wonder our Gon couldn't bear to leave you.”

Gon laughed brightly despite Killua's nerves, linking their arms lightly and dragging him toward the door.

“And this is Alluka, Mito-san. She's Killua's little sister. Her and Killua have been travelling a bunch while we were apart.”

“It's nice to meet you, Alluka. Come on in, you three must be hungry by now. I'll see what I have in the kitchen.”

“Can I help?” Alluka asked quietly, following a few paces behind Mito. 

“Of course you can, Alluka, thank you!”

“I'm gonna go put some stuff away, Mito-san. I need to wash some clothes and things.” Gon slipped his backpack off one shoulder, and held out his hand. “Coming, Killua?”

“Ah...” he paused, glancing toward the girls heading for the kitchen. “Would you like some more help, Mito-san?”

“That's okay Killua, thank you. Keep an eye on Gon for me, will you?”

“Sure,” he smiled softly, accepting Gon's hand. “I'll keep him in line.”

///

Killua's smile faded when he spotted the bookshelf in the corner of Gon's room. It sat in a corner opposite the bed, where Killua thought he remembered seeing a television in the past, and the shelves were littered with little toys, statues and other trinkets from around the world.  
Each one sat atop a folded piece of paper, and when Killua sneaked a peek at one he saw familiar handwriting. Letters, he assumed, from the people who sent the gifts. There was one piece of paper without an object on it, too, and when he flipped the corner of it up he saw his own writing. A scribbled note, only a few lines long, not like the novels he could see under other gifts.

“There's some neat stuff, right?”

Killua jumped when Gon spoke, so fixated on the letters that he'd forgotten Gon was standing on the other side of the room, pouring the contents of his backpack out. Gon tilted his head a little, confusion passing over his features as he considered Killua, took in the clenched fists and gritted teeth.

“Are you okay, Killua?”

“I'm sorry.”

“Huh? What? Why? Did you do something?”

He looked again the the shelf, at the little space where his dumb piece of wood normally sat, and took a moment to think his words through.

“You have so much stuff here and none of it was mine,” Killua explained half-heartedly. “I should have sent more, or at least written more.”

Gon simply smiled, reaching into his pile for the old wood and setting it back into place as if it were the most precious thing in the world. The green stone and the note that came with it found a place too, right next to the wood, and Killua could only watch him with a deep crease in his forehead. 

“Killua~” Gon sang, throwing his arms around the boy's neck. “Look how good they look, they're perfect.”

“You don't need to start this.”

“I mean it,” he grinned, kissing Killua's cheek lightly. “You didn't see me carrying anything else with me to visit Leorio, right? Only yours.”

“That doesn't mean I shouldn't have sent you more stuff. Better stuff.”

“Killua,” the voice was a little less sing-songy this time, his bottom lip poking out in a pout. “I don't want to listen to this. Stop insulting my boyfriend.”

Killua cracked a tiny smile finally, one hand roaming to Gon's waist and stroking his ribs with the lightest touch.

“Sorry,” he said after a moment. “I won't do it again.”

“You better not. Only I get to make fun of my boyfriend, anyone else gets punched.”

“Okay.”

Gon's face was so indescribably cheerful, so full of affection and joy, Killua couldn't even hope to measure up. He settled for pressing his lips to Gon's instead, hoping maybe he could make him understand with feelings instead of words and facial expressions. 

He wanted Gon to know how he felt, wanted it more than anything. He just couldn't find the words to explain it. The way Gon made him smile even when he was in the worst of moods, the way his whole body felt lighter when Gon was clutching his hand, the way his skin tingled when he felt Gon's warm fingertips graze over it. 

“Your boyfriend is a lucky guy,” he said finally, when they broke their kiss for a moment. “I hope he knows that.”

“Yeah, he does,” Gon grinned back. “He never stops going on about it.”

“He might not be happy if he sees us here like this, he probably doesn't want you kissing other guys all the time, right?”

Gon paused, his eyebrows knitting together, and looked up at Killua with a painfully serious expression.

“Who are you talking about? You're my boyfriend. I meant you.”

“I was kidding, Gon,” Killua smiled fondly, pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips. “Relax.”

“Oh good. I thought maybe you had the wrong idea about me and someone else and this whole time you thought I was cheating on someone with you and for some reason you were okay with tha-”

Killua cut him off with another kiss, a little smile still tugging at the corners of his lips.

“You think too much. It was a bad joke, sorry I made you worry.”

“It's okay. I think I just need sleep, I'm kind of slow today.”

“You go take a nap, then. I'll wake you up for dinner.”

“You're not gonna come with me?”

“There's laundry to do and cooking to help with and Alluka to take care of.”

“She's talking to Mito-san anyway,” Gon pouted, “they can cook together and we can do laundry later, it doesn't need to be right now.”

“I don't have any clean clothes left.”

“You can borrow mine, I have clean stuff here still.”

“Your shorts are short enough already without me being taller than you.”

“I have other clothes! Come on, just come nap with me.”

Killua dithered for a moment but finally let out a long sigh. He was frankly powerless to object when Gon wanted something, especially when he started sticking out that damn lower lip and pulling those puppy-dog eyes at him. 

“Just for like an hour, then,” Killua conceded, amused when Gon's face immediately lit up. “After that I'm getting up, even if you don't.”

Gon's hands were under his shirt immediately, stripping his layers away to reveal pale skin. Killua responded in kind, reaching over Gon's shoulder to grab the back of his collar, then pulling it forward over his head. Just like that, in two swift movements, the pair were bare-chested and pressed together, clinging to each other like someone might try to tear them apart. 

Gon fell back onto the bedcovers, dragging Killua with him, and Killua stumbled a little when he landed straight on top of Gon. His cheeks burned pink as he found his balance, Gon's hands tangling in his hair as they pulled him in close to kiss. 

“Killua,” he said breathlessly, tightening his grip.

“Gon.”

“Killua.”

“Gon?”

“Killua?”

There was a pause for a moment as they locked eyes, staring at each other before they both burst out laughing. Killua almost fell off the bed when he rolled off Gon's chest, but Gon's strong, tanned arms latched onto him and dragged him back in a hurry. 

Side by side they lay on the covers in the warm afternoon light, smiling at the ceiling as Killua fumbled for Gon's hand.

“Get some sleep, Gon,” he said softly, letting his eyes sink closed. “I'll be here.”

“Goodnight, Killua.”

///


	3. Adoration x and x Exploration

“Killuaaaaa!”

His eyes were barely even open when he felt the weight fall on him, sprawling across his body and pinning him to the bed. Despite how his mind reacted to being trapped, he found himself smiling, reaching out to run his hand through dark hair.

“Morning,” he said softly. “I guess we slept through the night, huh?”

“Mito-san was worried when we missed dinner,” he grinned, “but she's making a ton of breakfast so we can make up for it.”

“Sounds good. I might need a couple of limbs to get there, though.”

“That's no fun.”

Despite his strength, Killua knew from plenty of experience that Gon wasn't actually very heavy. He took the opportunity to demonstrate as much, easily lifting Gon up and plonking him down on the other side of the bed.

“I'm starving,” Killua smiled softly, sitting up and watching Gon pout. “Race you?”

“Sure, but I'm already dressed.”

“Oh, right,” Killua grimaced. “I'm gonna have to borrow your clothes, aren't I?”

“You'll look great,” Gon grinned. “You have a brand new outfit every other day anyway.”

“Well excuse me. Some of us get bored wearing the same thing our entire lives.”

“Then this should be fun,” Gon laughed. “I never said it was a bad thing, I like it.”

He dug out a pair of baggy dark shorts and a plain white singlet, tossing them to Killua on the bed, and Killua found himself weirdly surprised.

“I thought everything you owned was green.”

“Shut up,” Gon laughed, “no you didn't.”

Killua cracked a smile of his own as he dressed himself, grabbing Gon in a headlock when he finished.

“Well? How do I look?”

“Tall.”

“Good answer.”

///  


It was warm out, the sun shining far above them in the sky, when the trio decided to go explore. Explore was probably a strong word, since Gon knew every inch of the island like the back of his hand, but to Killua and Alluka it was new and uncharted terrain. 

“Here, take these,” Mito insisted, opening Gon's backpack and tucking containers inside. “I'm sure you'll be far too busy to come back for lunch, so don't let Killua and Alluka get hungry, okay?”

“Okay, Mito-san,” Gon laughed, “I promise I'll take care of them.”

“Good. I'll see you all later, then. Have a great day.”

Killua called a quick 'thank you' back to her as she made her way back inside, and Alluka shot a little smile across at Gon.

“She's very nice.”

“Yeah,” Gon grinned back, “she's cool. Come on, let's go, I want to see the forest.”

He took off and Killua laughed as he followed, looking back to make sure Alluka was keeping up. She beamed as she ran after them, her hair flying in the breeze, and Killua struggled to think of the last time he saw her so happy and carefree. Maybe the island was good for them, after all. Good for her. Maybe they weren't putting the entire island in danger by being there.

Wishful thinking.

He had long since wondered if one day they might find a place they could stay, a place where they could take a break and stop moving, stop running. Maybe not forever – that would get boring, he was sure – but somewhere they could catch their breath, somewhere they could turn to whenever they needed to slow down.

Whale Island would have made a good one, with Gon coming back to visit anyway. It would never be practical, though. Not enough people to defend the place if something happened, too far out of the way of action – both for Killua to work, and for them to help if a problem arose.

That was probably why Mito wanted Gon to stay. To keep him out of trouble, to keep him safe. Part of Killua felt a little bad for ruining that, for disrupting their rhythm, but the idea of leaving Gon behind was so much worse than the guilt.

“Killua, hurry up,” Gon called from the top of a hill. “Come look.”

Lost in his thoughts, at some point he had fallen still. Alluka had passed him to start climbing the slope behind Gon, but Killua just stood dumbly in the trees. Something was gnawing at him, something he couldn't quite explain. Maybe it was the guilt from having these thoughts, or some kind of fear – that was probably it, he wasn't much good at recognising fear. He was scared he wouldn't be able to protect her, and that was nagging at him, chipping away at his psyche.

“Onii-chan!” Alluka called, “what are you doing?”

“Coming!”

He shook it off and ran after them, easily catching up to look out over the treetops and the ocean. In the sunlight the water sparkled, diamonds of light glinting off the surface and highlighting every wave. Alluka was spellbound by the sight, her fingers tangled in Gon's sleeve.

“Did you have a question?” Gon asked after a moment, smiling at her fondly.

“Huh? Oh!” she nodded, tugging at his sleeve once more before she set him free. “Do you always know where we are?”

“Pretty much,” Gon agreed, “unless anything has changed a lot. How come? Are you nervous?”

“No, it just doesn't seem like much fun for you if you already know.”

“I have fun visiting my old favourite places, it doesn't need to be new all the time. You can decide which way to go, if you like. Pick a place that looks exciting to explore.”

“Can I really?”

“Uh-huh. See if you can get us lost.”

“Okay!” she looked around, spinning in circles slowly, then finally pointed out over the trees. “Down there, where the ground gets lower.”

“Sure, let's go. You lead the way.”

Killua trailed behind them as they started further inland, still strangely hesitant, still with the nagging feeling at the back of his mind.

_Oh._

He understood it now. It wasn't guilt, it wasn't fear. No, it was something much worse.

They were being watched.

///


	4. Headaches x and x Mistakes

It was eating away at his brain, making his skull pound. He could swear there was someone watching, but no matter where he looked, how hard he focussed, no one showed up.

Surely he was just being paranoid.

He'd spent so long running, staying still even for a few days in such an isolated place had made him restless.

Yeah, that was all it was. It definitely wasn't the feel of eyes drilling into his back, of Nen being carefully concealed, of tiny, convenient gusts of wind when he turned around in a hurry.

He'd taken to hanging out on the doorstep when he got up, while he was waiting for Gon to get out of the shower, hoping maybe he would catch a glimpse while Gon wasn't with him, while he could take care of it without anyone trying to help.

Still, though, it seemed his mind was deceiving him.

There's no one there.

There's no one there.

Damn it, Killua, _there's no one there_

He couldn't get it out of his head, but he could at least hide it from the others. He could slap on an uncaring face, even a smile, and pretend. For their sake.

It wasn't worth worrying them over his imagination, after all.

///

"Mito-san, I almost forgot!" Gon announced, holding out the beautifully wrapped box, tied with a big ribbon that had somehow survived the journey. "We found an amazing chocolate shop and we brought you back some! I hope you like them."

Killua thought Mito might cry for a moment, strangely touched by such a small gesture, and he pulled a face when she hugged him in turn.

"You're all very sweet, thank you so much! I can't wait to eat them."

"You're welcome!" Gon grinned, "I want to bring you presents more, I never did before and I should have."

"You're very sweet. As long as you're still coming back safely I'll be happy, you know."

"I can't promise that, but I can promise chocolate."

"Gon!" 

Killua couldn't help but laugh despite Mito's offended expression, and after a moment she softened, swatting Gon on the shoulder lightly.

"You'll be the death of me one day, I swear."

The tiny living room was full to the brim with all of them in it, Gon's thigh pressed against Killua's, and it didn't take long before his fingers began searching too, hunting Killua's down to link with. Neither of them had been remotely subtle about their relationship, but still he felt a hint of awkwardness doing anything so obvious in front of Mito and Abe. Gon didn't seem to care, though. He was much more focussed on clinging to Killua like a koala than he was on what his family thought of their relationship.

"Gon," Killua mumbled, nodding toward Mito across the room. "Should we be...?"

"Yes," Gon said firmly, not even letting him finish the thought as he squeezed tighter. "We should be."

Killua softened a little, a smile passing over his lips.

"Okay."

///

"So we're stuck in the middle of the jungle with no clue where we really are, with predators everywhere we turn, and now it's raining." Alluka relayed the story like they were the best moments of her life, despite the concern on Mito's face. "And Onii-chan decides 'well, I can take a bear, right?' and tries to go fight his way through, and I have to drag him back."

Gon smiled fondly to himself as he watched Alluka's expressions changing, her hands waving as she painted the scene in their heads. He didn't often get to see her come alive in such a way, so open, not a hint of reservation in her body. 

Killua, unfortunately, was not the same. He was hiding something, Gon knew that much. He had no idea what it was, what it could possibly be – they'd been together every moment, after all. Surely he would have noticed if something had happened?

Unless...

Oh.

Killua was sick of him, was that it? He'd gotten tired of Gon following him around everywhere, interrupting his precious Alluka-time.

Was that why he'd bought the boat tickets? Had he been planning this all along?

Gon was going to wake up alone, the bags gone from beside his bed, the clothes pulled from the hangers. If he was lucky there might be a scribbled note left behind – more likely from Alluka – explaining that they'd left and that he should stay.

That was it, wasn't it? He knew Killua was devious, but this was just cruel.

"Gon?"

His head snapped up to find everyone watching him, and he couldn't even seem to force a smile to cover it. He didn't dare to blink for fear of tears spilling over, instead just looking around with wide eyes, waiting for someone to repeat themselves.

"Are you alright?" Alluka asked nervously.

"Fine! I was just thinking I haven't checked for packages yet, I'm gonna run to the post office and see if anyone sent anything! I'll be back soon!"

He didn't bother to find a jacket or pull on his shoes, just darted out the door in a hurry. He had to escape before they realised he knew, he couldn't deal with it. Killua may have been devious, but he was also intelligent. He knew it would be better to abandon him than to try and have _that_ conversation.

"Hey, wait up!"

Oh hell.

He didn't look back as Killua ran after him, didn't stop, didn't slow his pace. A jolt of electricity coursed through the air around him as Killua caught up, and he squeezed his hands into fists.

"Didn't you hear me? I said wait for me."

"No."

"Fine, I'm faster anyway," Killua shrugged. "What's gotten in to you?"

"Nothing."

"Don't shut me out, that's not you."

"Why do you care?"

His arm hurt where Killua grabbed him in a hurry, and he immediately knew there would be bruises in the morning.

"Did I do something wrong?" Killua asked, his voice struggling. "I'm sorry if I upset you."

"You?" Gon scoffed, "and you claimed _I_ wasn't acting like myself."

"I am, though. I never meant to upset you. Can we talk about it so I don't do it again?"

"Forget it."

He stalked off toward the post office, managing to get through the doors before Killua caught up and grabbed him again, and thankfully Killua had the good sense to shut up while other people were around.

Other people Gon knew well, who asked endless questions and wanted to hear stories, but Gon only mustered up a weak, unconvincing smile.

"I was just visiting friends, we didn't do anything special. No adventures this time, sorry."

Normally Gon would love to share his stories, but right now the idea of it sent pains through his chest. Killua was the main character in all Gon's favourite stories, all his favourite memories. Even with Killua right next to him, he knew he had to start finding some distance.

With two packages tucked under his arm he resigned himself to the walk home, Killua at his heels, but thankfully remaining silent this time.

"Hey, Gon," he said softly, as they got closer to the house. "Please talk to me. You're scaring me."

"Me?" Gon demanded, scowling as he turned around. "You're the one who brought me here to visit just so you can abandon me and run off without having to tell me you're bored of me!"

"What?" Killua stared for a moment, then burst out laughing. "Gon, what are you-? Oh my gosh, you're an idiot. Is that what you thought? It's just a visit! I'm not leaving!"

Gon found himself speechless, and after a moment Killua tore the boxes from his hands, setting them aside in favour of pulling Gon in close. His arms looped around Gon's waist, squeezing him a little too tightly, and fluffy white locks tickled the side of his face.

"Gon, I'm not leaving, I promise. I just thought it might help since you were feeling homesick. I promise I'm not here to abandon you, okay?"

"You'd say that anyway."

"I wouldn't. I want to be with you forever, okay? But even if that changes, do you really think I would just walk off? I know I'm cold sometimes, but I'm not heartless."

Gon finally returned the embrace, despite his grip being a lot looser, a lot more uncertain, and Killua smiled as he planted a kiss on Gon's cheek. 

"I like you, Gon. You know that. I like you more than anyone else. And if you dare tell anyone I said that I'm gonna zap you like a thousand times."

"Really?"

"Really. Now come on, stop being dumb and let's go back."

He picked up the packages again and tucked them into his arm, using the other to find Gon's hand and lace their fingers together.

"I can carry them."

"Nope," Killua said firmly, not bothering to elaborate.

"You don't need to-"

"Nope."

"You're a jerk."

"Nope."

He was an idiot, after all. Of course Killua wasn't leaving him – he could never have gotten Alluka to agree to it, could never have convinced her. Honestly, what was he thinking? Why had he even considered the idea in the first place? How dumb.

It wasn't until he caught Killua staring off into the distance for a moment that he remembered, squeezing Killua's hand a little tighter.

On to Plan B, then.

///


	5. A Boyfriend's Role x and x Damage Control

When Killua returned to the bedroom, rubbing at his hair with a towel, he expected to see Gon up and rearing to go. Instead he found a small figure curled up in bed, blankets wound around his head and face, eyelids squeezed unnaturally tight.

"Morning," Killua offered, "you okay?"

Gon grumbled out something in response and Killua sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching over to lay his hand on Gon's forehead.

"You don't feel warm. Are you sick?"

Gon's only answer was an unintelligible grumble, and after a moment of waiting, Killua crawled back into the blankets with him, winding an arm around his waist.

"Sleepy still?"

"Mm."

"Okay, I'll stay with you."

Killua nestled in for the morning cuddles they'd been missing as of late, nuzzling into Gon's neck to kiss him lightly, feeling the little squirm that came with it.

"Tickles," Gon grumbled, pulling away. "Quit it."

"Are we awake now?"

"Yeah."

"You doing okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay. You'll tell me if you're not, right? That's what boyfriends are for."

"I just don't really want to get out of bed, that's all."

"Then let's stay here all day," Killua grinned, hugging him a little tighter. "I don't mind."

"Mito-san will complain, she wants me to do school today."

"Then we'll stay here a while longer, and when we get up I'll help you with school."

Gon scoffed quietly to himself, and Killua pinched his arm stubbornly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're gonna help me study? Did you even go to school?"

"Haven't you heard? I'm a super-genius."

"Sure," Gon scoffed, "I believe you."

"I'm serious!" Killua laughed as he pinched Gon again, this time over his ribs. "I'm real smart, I'll teach you in no time."

"Uh-huh. I'll believe it when I see it."

"You're so ungrateful."

Gon had finally found his smile again, and it made Killua unbelievably happy to see it.

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah," Gon admitted, rolling over to press their foreheads together lightly. "You always make me feel better. Stay with me, okay?"

"Always. I'll be by your side, no matter what. Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's nothing really. Just starting to hit me that I'm back home doing schoolwork like nothing has changed."

"Oh. You weren't very happy before, right? Is it starting again?"

"I don't know. Don't worry about it, I'm fine."

Killua contemplated for a minute, the pair of them lying in silence, tangled in each other's limbs. When he spoke again it came with carefully chosen words, a sentence practiced in his head a dozen times before it dared to leave his lips.

"I don't want you to be sad, but I don't want you to hide it, either. So tell me, okay?"

"I'll be fine."

"Really though."

"Yeah, okay. I'll talk to you."

"And from now on I'm gonna be waking you up with kisses," Killua grinned, pressing Gon into the mattress lightly with one hand and showering him with light little pecks. "That's gotta start your morning off well, right?"

"Yeah," Gon conceded, laughing through the onslaught. "I get it, okay? I'm smiling now, quit it."

"Good." Killua's fingers traced over Gon's lips slowly, not daring to blink as they stared at each other. "I like seeing you smile."

"Just kiss me."

"If you insist."

///

The packages were still waiting on the desk, unopened, and Killua shook one lightly as he wandered through the room.

"You gonna open these?" he asked flatly, not bothering to look back. "Looks like this one is from Kurapika."

"Mm, the other one was Leorio. I saw the writing. They send me stuff the most."

"You should let them know you got them."

"I will."

"But not now? Do you have something else in mind?"

"Mm, no, not really." Gon fidgetted strangely, staring out the window, and Killua waited. "I want to be happy when I open them or it ruins it."

"Are you not happy now?"

"I'm not unhappy."

"But you're not happy?"

Gon didn't answer, and Killua sighed as he leaned into Gon's back, draping his arms over strong shoulders and letting his hands trail lightly over dark cotton.

"Can I make you happy? Or at least try?"

"I'm okay, really."

"That's not what I asked."

Gon managed the weakest smile in the world, and Killua pinched at his cheek lightly.

"This isn't still about yesterday, is it? You know I'm not leaving, right?"

"Kind of. I know."

"Talk to me."

"I don't know how."

"Listen, Gon, you know I'm not good at this stuff, right? But I'll try my best, I want to listen and... I don't know. Help if I can, but mostly I just want to know what you're thinking, okay? So can you try to talk to me? Even if it doesn't all make sense, or whatever?"

"You've been weird while we've been here."

"I have? What kind of weird?"

"You keep zoning out and stuff, like you're distracted."

"Oh."

Killua had a decision to make. 

If he told the truth, Gon would panic. He would want to search the entire island until they found something – something that only existed in Killua's mind, something they would never find. He would try to hide everyone in town, to lock them away for their own safety.

Worst of all, if something _was_ wrong and Killua _wasn't_ imagining it, Gon would...

No, he couldn't risk it. He couldn't cause a panic, and he couldn't let Gon put himself in danger.

The real question was how well did Gon know him? Could he see through Killua's masterful lies?

"It's really quiet here," Killua began slowly, thinking through his words. "Sometimes I get caught off guard by it and I just sort of stop and listen, waiting to hear something."

"But there are birds and insects and animals in the forest."

"But sometimes there aren't, right? Sometimes it goes quiet."

"Does it?"

Well, damn. The silence wasn't normal, it wasn't part of Gon's world, the sudden breaks in the sounds of the island were-

No, he had to keep his cool. Either way, he couldn't let Gon find out he was worried.

"Just for a little bit," Killua tried to explain. "You're probably so used to tuning out the sounds anyway, you wouldn't notice."

"I guess so."

_Crisis averted._

Finally Gon took one of the packages from the desk, contemplating it in his hands for a moment before he sat down on the edge of the bed.

///

Killua smiled when he found Gon at the kitchen table, chewing on the end of his pencil. His eyebrows were knitted together in concentration, and a ball of white fluff sat in front of his books.

"How are you doing?" Killua asked, picking up the squishy toy. "Making progress?"

"Kind of."

"What is this thing anyway?"

"A cat."

"Says who?"

"It has ears"

Killua dug through the long fur for a moment, conceding a nod when he uncovered little blue eyes and pointy white ears buried deep inside.

"It reminds me of that cat that followed you around a bunch."

"Kiki?"

"Yeah."

"It reminds me of you."

Part of Killua wanted to argue, but instead he just held the ball up by his head, raking his hair down over his face with his fingers. Gon laughed at him, a surprisingly genuine little giggle, and Killua grinned as he set the toy down and shook his hair back into place.

"Are you telling me I need a haircut?"

"You kind of do."

"Yeah, probably. Are you doing math?"

"Attempting to."

"Let me help."

He leaned against Gon's shoulder to look, and felt Gon soften into him a little, his head leaning toward Killua's cheek. He seemed a little more like himself than he had earlier in the morning, lacking the lingering sadness that had permeated his aura.

"Are you doing okay?" Killua asked softly, running his fingers through Gon's hair.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Don't forget to talk to me, okay?"

"Yeah."

///


	6. Wildflowers x and x Lost Hours

"Mito-san, look, look!"

Killua grinned at the enthusiasm that had come over his best friend, watching as he held up the two little toys from the morning's packages.

"Look, Kurapika sent me this fluffy cat that looks like Killua, and it's all squishy and soft, and then Leorio sent me this floppy little puppy, and see? It has a green jacket so Leorio laughed because he thought it looked like me, and so now I have me and Killua both."

He tapped them together lightly, and Killua had a feeling that his (male, teenaged) boyfriend was making the stuffed toys kiss. His cheeks burned at the thought, and despite the way Mito smiled down at Gon, and the way Gon's eyes lit up – he had to admit, Gon had really pretty eyes – he contemplated dealing a swift blow to Gon's cheek.

"You're embarrassing," he mumbled instead, leaning against his hand. "You wanna go for a walk or something?"

"Sorry, Killua," Mito answered, before Gon could express his excited agreement. "Gon promised to finish his math today."

Killua held out the book pointedly and Gon beamed, pointing at it happily.

"All done, Mito-san. Killua helped me, but I promise he didn't give me the answers, he's actually a pretty good teacher!"

"Really? You did all of it?"

"Uh-huh! All the bit you asked me to do, I mean."

"Wow, okay, I'm impressed. Go on then, you can go out. Do you want food to take with you?"

"No, that's okay, we'll find something in the forest. Alluka is taking a nap, can you let her know we'll be back late?"

"Of course. I'll take good care of her."

"Thank you, Mito-san," Killua called back, as Gon started to drag him away. "Have a good night."

They were outside before he could hear her answer, and Killua smiled fondly as Gon wound his arm through Killua's.

"Aren't you hot?" he asked, tugging pointedly at the hoodie that fell to Gon's thighs. "It's boiling today."

"I'm okay. It'll cool down soon anyway, when the sun is down. Come on, let's go. Remember that cliff we used to jump off? We should go watch the sunset there, okay? Can we do that?"

"Gon," Killua said fondly, "it's good to see you happy."

"Come on, I'll race you! No nen speed!"

"I don't need it."

Gon pouted briefly before he took off into the trees, Killua at his heels. The pair of them were laughing at everything and nothing, ducking under tree branches and leaping over rocks, darting out of the way of various wildlife that crossed their path. 

When they made it to the ledge Gon fell into a bed of flowers, grinning at the sky as he waited for Killua, a few steps behind. The moment he caught up, Killua grabbed Gon and pulled him in, planting a firm kiss on his lips under the pink glow of a sunset just beginning. Gon was breathless against him, but he kissed back regardless, his arms winding around Killua's neck.

"Gon," Killua spoke softly, his tone full of warmth.

"Hmm?"

"When we were younger I used to walk behind you a lot."

"Yeah?"

"And then sometimes in front to lead you or whatever, but always..." he trailed off, grateful that Gon couldn't see his burning cheeks. "From now on I want to walk beside you, okay?"

Gon hugged him tighter, showering kisses down his cheek and neck, and after a moment Killua pried him off with a nervous laugh.

"Come on, what are you doing?"

"I'm so proud of you."

"Shut up, don't say stuff like that."

"Walk beside me every time, okay? Always be by my side."

"Okay, okay, I will, that's what I said, isn't it?"

"I'm really happy."

"Uh-huh, come here."

He held out his arms, and this time their embrace was a little softer, Killua's eyes falling closed as he pressed his cheek to Gon's.

"We're missing the sunset," he mumbled after a moment. "Isn't that why we came?"

"You're much better to look at."

"You can see me any time, this only happens once a day."

"You have a point, I guess."

For long enough to move, they separated. Gon brought a flower with him, twirling the stem in his fingertips, occasionally lifting it to his nose to inhale the scent. The moment they had their seats and their balance, Killua leaned in again, pulling Gon into his side and tucking him in close. It was one of the many perks he'd discovered came with being taller – he got to see Gon looking up at him, he got to be the big spoon in bed, and he got to fit Gon perfectly under his arm.

"When we were younger," Gon began slowly, staring out at the clouds stained with orange lights and grey shadows. "You told me you had to leave."

"Yeah," Killua breathed.

"I should have said no."

Killua froze, unsure quite how to respond, but Gon still leaned into him comfortably.

"I should have said I'd come with you. We were gonna travel the world together, right? But when you said you were going to take Alluka all over the world, I didn't ask to come. I just let you leave."

"You had stuff to do, too. You had your father."

"But I could have... I could have..." he trailed off, contemplating his words. "I could have asked you to wait. Would you have waited? If I said 'stay here a week, I'll be back and then we'll go together', would you have stayed?"

"Probably," Killua admitted. "If you asked me so bluntly."

"Or... I could have said 'let's meet in this city in a month and I'll join you', or I could have just gone with you and met Ging another time, or... or..."

"Gon," Killua interrupted gently. "You did what you thought was right, at the time, and so did I."

"Yeah. But I just... Wish, you know?"

"We're here now, we're together, and we'll be together forever. Does it really matter what we did in the past?"

"I could have had more time with you."

"You do have more time with me. You have decades. Forget about the last couple of years, think about the ones still coming."

"You really are a super-genius."

"Shut up," Killua laughed, pinching his arm lightly. "I care about you, okay? I don't want you to have regrets because of me."

"I'll try. You too, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. The past is the past, we've moved on. Wiped clean, right?"

"Right."

"And Killua?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for being with me."

"Idiot," Killua scoffed, shoving him off to punch him. "Don't thank me for that."

"I like you, though. I'm happy you chose me."

"Be quiet."

"But-" 

Killua cut him off with a kiss, a little too rough, shoving him back into the dirt. Gon found himself pinned to the ground, Killua's face only millimetres away. His hands were held down beneath Killua's, his legs trapped between Killua's knees, and his pants... His pants were pretty confining too. 

Killua was already blushing, even the tips of his ears bright red, and Gon breathed a little harder when Killua shifted his leg.

"Sorry," Killua mumbled, rolling off in a hurry. "I didn't mean..."

"It's okay," Gon assured him. "You can do anything, I don't mind. I trust you."

"Really?"

"Really. I trust you more than anyone else."

"Good. I would die for you, Gon."

"Don't do that, I'll be miserable."

"Then, um, I'd kill for you."

"That's not very special coming from you."

"Shut up!" Killua laughed, elbowing Gon in the ribs as they lay side by side, staring up at the sky as it slowly grew darker. "I trust you too."

///


	7. Stubborn Fights x and x Lonely Nights (Part 1)

He'd ruined it.

All the softness, the trust, the peace and – dare he think it – love, that had grown between them in the forest. He'd destroyed it all in one fell swoop.

"Why are you keeping secrets?"

It was a stupid question – if Killua was keeping secrets, he had a reason for it. Asking only made him look paranoid, possessive, and served to make Killua annoyed.

"It doesn't matter."

There it was, Killua really was hiding something.

Somehow it had immediately taken Gon from regret and nerves to annoyance, anger even. All this time he had been moping and Killua had been denying anything was wrong, had been lying to him.

By the time Gon found a sense of control, he suspected they'd already woken the house. Neither of them was particularly quiet when they argued, and putting them together in one room to fight was never a good idea.

"Just... Just go sleep downstairs or something!" Gon demanded, flinging himself into bed and pulling the blankets around himself. "Leave me alone if you're gonna be like that!"

"Fine!"

_Don't go_

The words wouldn't leave his stubborn lips, and he wasn't honestly sure if he wanted them to. All this time, all those conversations, how many lies had he told? How many secrets was he keeping?

Screw him. Gon didn't need Killua, Gon was fine on his own. He always had been. He was Gon Freecs, the animals of the forest were his companions, he didn't need some annoying, self-absorbed, stuck-up, arrogant, tall, handsome, irritating boyfriend!

He was fine on his own.

Really.

He was.

///

 


	8. Stubborn Fights x and x Lonely Nights (Part 2)

Killua sat on the doorstep in the moonlight, a yo-yo dancing on its string in his fingertips. Up and down, up and down, back and forth, back and forth. It was kind of how their relationship seemed to go, if he was entirely honest. One minute they were riding high, the next it fell hard.

The footsteps behind him didn't bother him, although he felt a little embarrassed when Mito sat down gently next to him.

"Can I join you?"

"Yeah."

She watched for a moment as he played with his old toy, not bothering to do any tricks, just watching it sail up and down the string, over and over, calm and collected. It helped him regulate his breathing, when he needed to. Something about Gon seemed to ruin his lungs, made him tense, like he couldn't breathe in all the way.

"Gon was always a stubborn kid," Mito told him with a smile. "I suspect you were too."

"Yeah."

"Everyone fights, you know. Friends, family, partners. Everyone argues occasionally."

"Yeah."

Up and down. Up and down.

"Your yo-yo is looking a little rusty."

Killua paused in his rhythm to contemplate it, blushing a little when he saw the red stain on the metal.

"Y-Yeah, rusty. I should clean it more often."

Note to self: Clean up blood stains or get new yo-yo.

"You know, when you were away and Gon was here, he never stopped talking about you."

Killua glanced at her for the briefest of moments, catching her sad little smile.

"He was always wondering where you were, if you were doing okay. Every day I saw him pull out his phone and change his mind, again and again. He never wanted to bother you, but he always missed you."

"I missed him too."

"I was happy when he told me you were at Leorio's, I thought it might cheer him up for a while when he came back. I was pretty far off base, huh?"

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I wasn't happy about him going away again, but it wasn't hard to see how happy it made him. Travelling again, seeing new things. Being with you again."

"It made me happy too," Killua admitted. "I don't have any right to be with him, but I'm selfish, I want to anyway."

"You shouldn't think like that. He loves being with you, that's all the right you need."

Killua wondered if this was what it felt like to have a real mother, one who talked to you and cared how you felt, one who wanted the best for you, wanted you to be happy.

"He didn't seem very happy lately."

"How so?" Mito asked.

"He was homesick before we came, I thought visiting would make it better, but then he seemed kind of mopey. He kept thinking you would make him stay, or once he accused me of plotting to run away and leave him here instead of breaking up with him. I have to drag him out of bed in the morning."

"And he wasn't like that when you were away?"

"No."

"Then I guess you'd better take him away again."

Killua turned to stare at her, his eyes wide, his mouth hanging open slightly as he fought for words.

"I know he's not happy here, not anymore. I wish he could be, but he's too much like Ging, he can't handle it. You'll take care of him, won't you?"

"Of course."

"Then I'll entrust him to your care. Do come visit still, but make sure he's happy, first and foremost. Can you do that?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Good." She ruffled Killua's hair, smiling when his mop of white locks stood on end. "Give him a little time to cool off, then you can make up and take off on some new adventure."

"I'll try. Um, are there any spare blankets?"

"I already left a blanket and a pillow in the living room for you. Get some rest, Killua. Everything will look better in the morning."

"Yeah."

He paused as Mito climbed to her feet, glancing over his shoulder as she opened the front door.

"Thank you, Mito-san. Um, it's good to have someone to talk to, you know?"

"Any time, Killua. I always look forward to hearing from you."

///


	9. Sad Divisions x and x Poor Decisions

Killua woke to the smell of pancakes, wafting in from the next room. His back was a little stiff, but he'd actually managed to snatch a couple of hours of sleep, so he wasn't going to complain. With a yawn and a stretch he padded into the kitchen to investigate, rubbing his eyes in the bright sunlight, and managed a tired smile when Mito beamed at him.

"Good morning, Killua! Breakfast is almost ready!"

"Thank you, Mito-san. I'll be there in just a second."

He made his way up the stairs, hoping to sneak into the bedroom for clean clothes without disturbing Gon, but the moment he opened the door he saw the telltale signs of Gon sulking. The blankets were pulled up high, his body was curled into a tiny ball, and his muscles were far too tense for him to be asleep.

He thought about pretending, about taking his clothes and leaving as if he hadn't noticed, but he couldn't bring himself to leave his – was Gon still his boyfriend? His friend? - whatever Gon was, in such a state.

"Morning," he said softly, reaching out to touch Gon's side but thinking better of it. "Mito-san is making pancakes, she'll be disappointed if you don't come down. We don't have to talk if you don't want to."

He took his clean clothes to the bathroom to change, cleaning himself up a little in the process, and by the time he made it back downstairs Gon was sitting at the table. He was still in his pyjamas, his hair messy, his eyes rimmed with dark bruises. The blanket from his bed was wound around his shoulders like a cloak, bundled around his neck and mouth, and if he didn't look so sad Killua would have thought it was cute.

Regardless, when the plate of pancakes landed, Gon moved. Killua could barely get one off the plate before they were all gone, stuffed into Gon's mouth haphazardly, his plate fiercely guarded by his free arm. 

Every time Mito dropped another batch on the table, Gon turned into a wild animal. He scoffed down more food than Killua thought he had ever seen him eat before, until he was frankly a little impressed.

"That was really good, Mito-san, thank you," Killua smiled, when he'd managed to get a couple into his stomach. "Let me clean up."

"You don't have to do that, Killua."

"I want to, though. I want to help."

There was a little raw batter left in the kitchen for when Alluka and Abe woke up, covered and set aside, but Killua set to work on the rest of the soiled dishes. He wasn't big on household chores, but as much as he'd never say it out loud, it gave him a little sense of pride to help out other people. In their travels Gon and Killua had argued endlessly over whose turn it was to cook or clean, if they bothered to do it at all, but when it was for Mito, Killua didn't mind.

He wondered if that was how most people felt with their parents.

Mito would have made a good mother, he thought. He would have liked to grow up with her.

Even if she did assign a lot of homework.

///

It wasn't until late in the night that Killua caught on, kicking himself for not noticing.

All day Mito had been baking – producing cakes, cookies, muffins, every sweet treat under the sun. He had figured out pretty quickly that she was trying to cheer him up, knowing his affinity for baked goods, and he did his best to show how much he appreciated the gesture.

Gon, though, had been eating like his life suddenly depended on fitting as many pieces of brownie in his mouth as he could. He had barely touched dinner, but the moment the cake came out for dessert he was back in it. It wasn't like him, not really, and Killua had pinned it down to stress eating.

Now, as he watched the little scowl on Gon's face, he had finally got it.

"Are you seriously eating all the cake just to spite me?"

Gon froze, and Killua knew he'd hit the nail on the head.

All day, purely to try and take them from Killua, Gon had been gorging on sweets. Killua's lack of reaction was probably the most frustrating thing he'd dealt with in years, but he'd never expected Killua to actually _catch on_.

"So what if I am?" Gon challenged, stuffing another slice of cake in his mouth. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Nothing," Killua shrugged. "You want mine too?"

For a moment he thought Gon was going to take it, but then a loud gurgling filled the room, and Gon was off. From upstairs he heard the telltale sounds of retching and vomitting, and he was torn on whether or not he could laugh at it.

"Is Gon sick?" Mito asked, when she looked in from the kitchen.

"He tried to eat the entire cake so that I couldn't have any."

"Is that what he was doing?" Mito exclaimed. "What an idiot."

"You can say that again."

For a moment they sat and listened to the boy being sick, then Killua conceded a small smile as he stood up.

"I should go check on him."

"You're a good guy, Killua. Don't let him tell you otherwise."

"Thank you."

He climbed the stairs slowly and knocked on the door of the toilet, not waiting for an answer before he cracked it open.

"Looking good," he smirked. "Feeling better about yourself now?"

"Shut up."

"I've never seen you be quiet for so long."

"I said shut up."

"Uh-huh," Killua smirked, sitting down beside the toilet bowl and stroking Gon's back.

"Go away."

"Okay."

He didn't move, and Gon didn't repeat the sentiment, letting his head hang over the bowl as Killua ran his fingers up and down his spine.

"You shouldn't make yourself sick just because you're mad at me," Killua said softly, moving in a little closer to wipe Gon's forehead with his sleeve. "Just punch me or something instead, okay?"

"Shut up."

He moved behind Gon's back this time, winding his arms lightly around Gon's stomach and feeling cold skin through the thin singlet.

"You're freezing," Killua complained.

Gon didn't answer, but Killua pulled off his jacket, draping it around Gon's shoulders then coaxing his arms into the sleeves. It was still warm from his body heat, and he hoped it would sort Gon out fairly quickly, since he was still kneeling on the cold floor.

"Feeling any better?" he asked after a moment, when Gon's retching and lurching ceased. "All done?"

"Think so," he mumbled, starting to climb to his feet and stumbling.

Killua caught him easily, holding him close with one arm while he reached over to flush the toilet with the other. Somehow he managed to get Gon to the sink without a complaint, watching as he brushed his teeth to get rid of the taste.

"C'mere," Killua mumbled, when Gon was finished cleaning up. "Let me."

He scooped Gon into his arms and carried him down the hall, tucking him into bed despite the grumbles that came with it.

"You need to rest. You've looked tired all day, and now you've been puking too, it's not a good combination y'know."

"Shut up."

"Uh-huh, okay."

He pulled the blankets up around Gon's chin and tucked him in firmly, locking heavy blankets around the surprisingly fragile frame.

"I gotta admit," Gon muttered, rolling over to hide his burning cheeks. "In the boyfriend department you're, like, a ten out of ten."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, but in the friend department and the decent human being department you're a zero."

"Then it's a good thing I'm cute."

Killua thought he caught the twitch of a smile on Gon's lips, and with a smirk of his own he stripped his pants off, crawling in beside Gon.

"I'm sleeping here tonight," Killua informed him. "Just for the record."

"No, I'm sleeping here."

"Too bad, so am I."

Gon looked like he might argue but instead he just wriggled across, putting a little space between them.

"Fine," he grumbled, "but I'm not cuddling."

"Fine, but I'm holding your hand."

He snatched the tanned hand stubbornly, locking their fingers together, and once again a protest died on Gon's lips.

"Whatever," he muttered, his cheeks clearly flushed this time. "I'm going to sleep."

"Sweet dreams, Gon. Take care."

///


	10. Revelations x and x Declarations

Gon woke to find Killua curled up against his back, his body heat readiating through Gon's frame and keeping him pleasantly warm. He rolled over in the firm grip, pressing a kiss to Killua's lips and immediately freezing when Killua's eyes flung open.

"Feeling better?" Killua grinned, hugging him a litle tighter. "I missed you. I'm sorry we fought."

"I forgot," Gon admitted, ashamed. "I was sulking."

"Too late now, this is better anyway. I much prefer this. Can I kiss you again?"

"Are you going to tell me your secret yet?"

Killua split one arm from their hug to run through Gon's hair lightly, contemplating him. 

"Gon, listen, I don't like keeping things from you. You know that, right? But sometimes it's the best thing I can do in the moment, if I want you to be safe and be happy. It's not that something happened, or that something is wrong, I promise."

"What is it, then?"

"I just... There was some stuff going on in my head, and it was purely in my head, but it was still messing with me. You know what I mean, right?"

"Kind of."

"I didn't want to tell you it was messing with me, because you would take it seriously and indulge the thoughts. I just want to ignore them and move on, and you wouldn't be able to do that. Does that make any sense?"

"I guess so."

"So are we okay? I promise I never once considered leaving you or anything like that."

Gon pulled his hand from between their chests, shoving hair back from Killua's face before he kissed him again briefly.

"You really do need a haircut," Gon mumbled, smiling a little when Killua laughed.

"Sorry, I'll do it."

Gon found himself twining his fingers in the long locks, pulling Killua in closer, heavily aware of the tightness in his pants as their stomachs pressed together. He moved his thigh a little, rubbing it against Killua firmly, and suddenly Killua was holding him tighter, his tongue moving with an intensity he hadn't experienced before.

It was all Gon could do to keep breathing as Killua bit at his lower lip, trailing kisses and nips down the side of his neck while he just gasped for air. A little moan escaped him when his hips rubbed up against Killua's, and he burned red, the pair immediately falling still when they heard footsteps down the hall.

"Next time," Killua assured him, starting to move away.

Gon tugged him back by the hair, kissing him again stubbornly, and Killua smiled wryly when they finally parted.

"Maybe it's okay after all," Gon said breathlessly.

"What is?"

"The hair."

///

Killua waited for the shower to start before he headed for the door, kicking his shoes on in a hurry. The rest of the household was still in bed - or back in bed, in Alluka's case - so no one asked or objected as he ducked out, shoving his hands in his pockets as he walked.

The air was still, not a trace of a breeze making it through the trees, and the feel of it made Killua shiver.

He was beyond denial, now. There was something wrong, and it was his job to figure out what it was – preferably before Gon realised what he was doing. The moments of silence had come too steadily, the feel of eyes burning into him hadn't gone away, and occasionally, in the middle of the night, he woke up swearing he felt a subtle nen in the distance.

There was no way anyone on this island knew how to use it, which meant someone had followed them. Or maybe, if he was really lucky, Ging had come to visit. He was pretty sure there was no way in hell that was true, though.

As he walked he start to feel the twinge again, and he found himself making a beeline for it, heading down the slopes toward the dock where they arrived, then following the curve of the beach around to a more isolated area.

It wasn't until the island went silent again that he realised his mistake – the eyes had been watching him the entire time, the nen had been a lure.

God he was stupid.

The moment he rounded the corner he let his nen go wild, blue sparks dancing on his fingertips, and he prayed to every God he knew that no one used this beach for their early morning walks.

///

Gon yawned as he rubbed at his hair with a towel, thumping down the stairs to where he could hear noises in the kitchen.

"Ne, Killua, I felt something while I was in the shower, isn't that cool? It's the first time since- Huh? Killua? Mito-san, is he not here?"

"Hm?" She looked back from the kitchen and shook her head. "I heard the door close while you were in the shower, didn't he tell you he was going for a walk?"

All at once it hit him, made him want to throw up all over again, and he swore under his breath as he threw his towel aside and grabbed his shoes. Alluka poked her head into the hall to investigate the sudden burst of noise, and when she saw Gon's face she put her own sneakers on without a word. 

Gon was like a wild animal in the forest, sprinting as if he knew the exact spot of every tree, every shrub, every hollow in the ground. Alluka could barely see him in the distance, but still she followed him down the hill, breathing heavily but continuing to pound the dirt with her feet.

She was starting to learn her way around the island, and she knew they were heading toward the beach, toward the boats. For a brief moment she was scared Killua had left without them, had gotten on a boat and disappeared by himself, but no – that wasn't Killua, he would never leave them, no way.

It wasn't until she saw the flash of light peeking over the edge of a cliff that she understood, pausing as Gon leapt down the rocks, then quickly turning off to her left to go the long way around. 

Gon would beat her there, and that was fine. She wasn't going to risk killing herself on the way down.

She could only imagine how pissed off Killua would be if she hurt herself for fear of his safety.

///

For a moment Gon froze when Illumi held the knife to Killua's neck, watching as the boy immediately ceased his struggles and held dead still, bearing his teeth like an animal.

“Now, now, don't do anything you might regret.”

He wasn't sure how Illumi had managed to track them down on the island, and he was even less sure that he hadn't hurt people in the process – people Gon loved, people Gon cared about. Now here he was with the most important person in the world in his grasp, and Gon could do nothing about it.

But maybe someone else could.

He glanced at Alluka as she finally caught up, watching the fear take over her face. Almost in unison, a sneer took over Illumi's features – a rare break of emotion in his normally empty stare – before he looked back to his little brother in his grasp.

It had to be worth a shot.

“Alluka?” he asked quietly. “Can you send her out?”

There was silence for a moment, but when he slid his eyes sideways he saw the blank face with its dark, hollow eyes waiting for him.

“Nanika,” he spoke loudly and firmly, watching Illumi's gaze shoot over to her. “If he tries to hurt Killua, kill him.”

Illumi shook with the anger that passed through him in a hurry, his hand squeezing tight at his blade as he contemplated the dark, unfeeling face down the beach.

"If he doesn't hurt anyone, you can let him leave peacefully, okay? But if he tries to hurt anyone, or take anyone away, kill him immediately."

There was a brief pause, and then the familiar little voice, so unfeeling in tone.

“'Kay”

“How?” Illumi demanded, squeezing Killua's throat a little tighter. “How?!”

“Nanika is my friend, just like she's Killua's sister. She does what her friends and family ask of her. You might have learned that if you'd treated Alluka differently.”

“Killua?” Nanika asked innocently, “Is he hurting you?”

“Not yet, Nanika, but he wants to.”

“I won't let him, 'kay, Killua?”

“Thanks, Nanika.”

For the first time in his life, Gon saw Illumi hesitate. He stared at Nanika's face, still waiting so patiently for him to slip, and finally he loosened his grip on Killua's neck. Killua turned to watch him warily as he backed away, not taking his eyes off his so-called brother, and Gon stepped aside a little to let Killua settle between him and Nanika.

“The order applies until you leave the island,” Gon pointed out, still not letting his guard down even an inch. “It's time to go.”

“This won't be the end.”

“Maybe not, but next time might be. We can always give more orders.”

He finally made the intelligent decision and retreated, back toward the docks, and Gon immediately turned to give Nanika a big hug.

“Good job, Nanika. I'm proud of you. You looked after Killua.”

“I did good?”

“You did very good.”

He grinned as he ruffled her hair lightly, getting a big smile in return, and then as quickly as they came, Nanika's eyes faded back to Alluka's.

“Onii-chan,” she said softly, smiling. “You're okay.”

“Yeah, I'm okay, Alluka. Thank you for your help.”

“Always, Onii-chan.”

///

Killua was covered in scrapes and bruises, an intense scuffle obviously having gone down in the short time before Gon and Alluka arrived, and Gon frowned as he dabbed antiseptic on the wounds.

"Ow!" Killua protested, hissing as the liquid touched a particularly deep gash. "That hurts, Gon!"

"Shut up," Gon scowled. "You ran off to confront him without even telling me, you could have been killed."

"I didn't know it was him, okay? I would have called someone for back up if I knew."

"You're an idiot," Gon continued, ignoring the objections. "Why were you walking off on your own anyway? You knew something was wrong this whole time and you didn't even tell me."

"I thought I was imagining it, I thought I was just being paranoid."

"You're never just being paranoid, Killua! When have your instincts ever been wrong?! You should have _talked_ to me!"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not here for apologies!" Gon gritted his teeth, pouring maybe a little too much liquid on a cut and making Killua's shoulder burn. "Just shut your mouth, I can't hear any more of this."

"Okay. Sorry."

With the blood finally cleaned up, Gon set to work bandaging the worst of the wounds, covering them with fresh white fabric that would hopefully let them heal cleanly. He had a few sticking plasters, too, that covered the smaller, but equally deep cuts, and Killua cringed a little when Gon slapped one on his cheek.

"Stop acting so pitiful," Gon demanded. "I'm mad at you."

"I know."

"Then stop trying to make me feel bad!"

"I'm not. I was stupid, I know. But you don't have to protect me, Gon. I can take care of myself. I'm supposed to be taking care of _you_ right now too, so you shouldn't get upset if I get hurt. Not as long as you're still safe."

"Idiot!" Gon huffed, pulling roughly at a handful of Killua's blood-streaked hair. "Shut up!"

"I'm fine, look at me. Why are you still so worried?"

"Because I love you, idiot!"

There was silence for a moment, a long pause punctuated only by Gon's rough breaths as his cheeks burned red.

"Why?" Killua pulled a face, "what a terrible decision."

"Excuse me?"

"Falling in love with me might be the dumbest thing you've ever done," he shrugged, pulling away lightly from Gon's bandage-grip and testing out his particularly beat-up right arm. "You already told me I'm a shitty human being and an awful friend."

"I was mad at you," Gon pouted, "I didn't mean it."

"You were right, though. I am. So don't love me, find someone better."

"There is no one better," Gon objected, dragging Killua in and ignoring the obvious tension that came with his boyfriend straddling his lap. "Shut up. You're the best boyfriend in the world, the best friend in the world, the best _person_ in the world. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!"

"Even you?"

" _Especially_ me!"

"Okay," Killua cracked a smile, some of the sadness seeping out of his expression. "I'll try."

"I'm not leaving you, no matter what dumb things you do. I couldn't even if I tried."

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah," Killua nodded, leaning in to rest his forehead against Gon's lightly. "Good."

Gon smiled, his face still a little flushed as Killua's hands settled on his hipbones, staring deep into his eyes.

"I should kill you right now," Killua mumbled. "Just fire up a lightning bolt and end it right here."

"Why would you do that?"

"It would be way easier than the alternative."

"What, letting me live?"

"Admitting that I love you as well."

"What?"

Killua's face was burning, and after a moment of shock Gon pulled him in, jamming their lips together like their lives depended on it.

"I love you," Gon said breathlessly. "Killua, I love you so much, I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Shut up," Killua laughed breathlessly, smiling all the same. "I love you too."

"Never leave me."

"I won't."

"Stay with me forever."

"I will."

"Tell me you love me every day."

"Okay."

"Never do anything like today ever again."

"No promises."

/// fin. ///

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SaysiOnTwit) and support my writing endeavors or find my other social links etc [here](https://www.saysiwrites.info)


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